emancipate

currently very motivated to finish HCG. i’m in a boring state of mind (packing for new apt, laundry from two weeks on the road, press clippings piling up in my office) so this is perfect. i never really got in killer shape after i stopped playing ball so now > never. plus, a quick trip to barneys (and visit to jayne’s blog) was all it took for me to realize how many amazing pieces are just out there waiting to consume my wallet… if only i was born a skinny, gorgeous korean badass who skateboards, designs dope shit and has killer style regardless of what i threw on! blame it on the volleyball calves. and rocket scientist family genetics. SO. the mission is to drop quite a few pounds (hopefully i don’t die in the process) and somewhat completely revamp my closet. this will also help with bikini shopping for cabo; picking a date with photoshopped-esque abs was probably a bad idea. hashtag: first world problems. um… this is my first, and likely only, attempt at writing something daily/personal in this tumblr. this shit is way more conducive for teenage love rants, ‘inspirational’ quotes from the Dalai Lama and pictures. who actually reads these days anyway? and what does it say about the world when a picture filtering app is purchased for a billion dollars? our generation is taking the future in a very… visual direction. scary, but not so bad for visual, ADD learners like myself. 16 days left on HCG. Tootles!

he told me he loved me unconditionally – without fear and without consequence. he said that regardless of wealth or success, health or security, he would always love me and want to be with me. we drove in silence for a minute as i inhaled and tried to grasp what he had just said. i held my breath as long as possible… as if to freeze that moment in time for all eternity. it was the second time he’d said he loved me. when i finally exhaled, we were two blocks down the road and my head buzzed from lack of oxygen. i realized then that i didn’t know how to love the way he could. i had expectations, fears, consequences and conditions. i wanted to whisper that i loved him too, that i wanted to share my world with him but it felt so fake in light of what he said. it felt so tainted. instead, i asked him how. i asked him to show me how to love so freely. to teach me how to give without needing something in return. and so, our journey began…